CROYDON'S ON THE MOVE !

The drive to get the public to surrender their power will pick up momentum soon as we descend into the ritual self-mugging season known as Christmas and then the General Election gets into full swing.

In the meantime the people of Croydon were given a pre-christmas pick-me-up recently as the Zone4Croydon campaign was launched by Labour candidates Steve 'OBE' Reed and Sarah 'hard working mum of four' Jones.

As the catchy name suggests, this is a campaign to get Croydon 're-zoned' from travel-zone 5 to 4.

It may look like a hell-hole at the moment, but when the vision 2020 development masterplan programme is completed it will truly be a business/commerce hell-hole to be proud of. And one that surely deserves a new travel zone rating to match its lofty ambitions?

It's about money of course. Money for all. Sarah Jones fresh from the success of her 'passionate' party political broadcast has been busy holding up posters and giving out flyers declaring in big letters £336. Yes, that's right, people. It'll be free money for everyone. Labour are literally giving it away. You know, in the same way that ATM's give us free cash?

It's a vote winner alright.


But wait.....

....in a leafy part of Non-Croydon there's a rustling in the straw ...a wet nose pops out...has a sniff at the electoral mood ...a pair of expectant eyes peer out .....a tongue flicks, tasting the very atmosphere of local media interest.....and .. with a final rustle... 

...out pops the head and body of Croydon Central Tory MP Gavin 'the gerbil' Barwell.

He springs into action and immediately trumps Labour by... offering the campaign his 'full support'

Such sneakiness from little hamster-cheeked Gavin.

This will almost certainly take some of the wind out of Labour's sails.

Barwell is no slouch. The little vole is Cambridge educated, and with an early career built on years of hard spadding and boot-licking at Tory HQ he presumably knows how to filch and leech like the best of them.

But wait....

Maybe this routine surfing of the waves of populist campaigns might back-fire on him?

Political opponents cant be seen to be merely crow-barring themselves into the middle of Labour initiatives.

The 're-zone' campaign with its cheaper travel premise is one of those no brainer issues that even a dim witted Tory would be ill-advised to oppose. But the Gerbil has keenly anticipated the pitfalls of cross-party consensus and its tendency to merge all agents and messages into one. 

And Labour have got a head-start.

This needs a spin.

Barwell needs to apply all his hamsterish little skills to flip it in a unique way...and make it has own.

So, Barwell slams the proposal as not enough.

he proposes to work closer with Boris....

....and the Greater London Authority

The Gerbil has all the business and governmental contacts. The silver-fork-grease-my-palm-old-boy network

further more, he suggests that Sutton, Cheam and West Wickham should be re-zoned too.....!!!


what ?

NOOOOOOOOOOOO !

Barwell, what are you doing?

Now every one is going to want one.

where will it end?

zone 4 might end up being the new squeezed middle zone...with literally everyone trying to get in.


Epsom, Redhill? Reigate. A veritable Pandora's box. 


Ok, so the Gerbil has outfoxed Labour by playing the big society 'we're all in this together' game. But the long term ramifications of an exodus out of zone 5 could be disastrous for all of us ? North London places like Dagenham, Tolworth and Hounslow will almost certainly try to swamp as well.  

Surely the lesson here is: you cant treat the oyster zone like that old boardgame Risk? 

We might end up with all the posh towns in the southeast of England building up a huge stock-pile fortress in Kensington?

What happens if Romford gets to Richmond before us? 

NOT FAIR  !!!!!



i'm bored now.

Here's an idea....

 Lets keep Croydon where it is. 

Scrap ALL the Zones ?

And Nationalise the railway !